I was on night 3 of my husband being out of town for work. He had been out of town a lot the past few months and since we homeschool, I literally do not get a break when he’s gone. I didn’t have a sitter available and we have no family nearby, so it’s just me and the 3 kiddos all day and night until he gets home.
After being with the kids non stop for multiple days… I was exhausted. Not gonna lie, I had been looking forward to bedtime since they woke up that morning. The day went well (thank goodness) and it was time to put the baby to bed. My 2 older kids usually stay in the playroom while I put her to sleep and read or play together quietly. Instead, they decided it would be so much fun to slam the doors, and turn on all the lights the whole time.
Every single time they did this, the baby would sit up and say “brober…sister”. You can imagine how long her normally 30 minute bedtime took. Yeah, not 30 minutes.
Once she was finally asleep, the big kids quickly brushed their teeth and went potty since we were way behind schedule. I snapped at my son because he wouldn’t put on the pull-up (that he doesn’t even need anymore), and rushed them to bed. Did I mention I was tired?
Do you think the big kids went to bed right away? that’s a big nope. They also struggled. They were wired and giggly and clearly did not feel the exhaustion I was feeling.
Normally, my favorite part of the day is bedtime when my husband is gone. Not because I will soon get a mini break (I mean yes, that too), but because I love the snuggles. He usually does bedtime for the big kids and they’re so sweet and snuggly it’s just amazing. But that night, I wasn’t feeling it.
Honestly, all I wanted to do was watch my damn show for the half hour I had between them going to sleep and me falling asleep. That’s it. I just needed a break and not think of anything else but my silly rom-com show.
As both kids were snuggled into me closely, I looked at my 4 year olds sweet little face and I thought to myself, in a blink of an eye you’re going to be 16. By then the thought of hugging your mother will probably make you want to puke.
And then he accidentally hit me in the face. I moved his hand and firmly said it was time to go to sleep. I had hit my breaking point. Once both kids finally shut their eyes, I literally ran out of that room. I made it. I finally had my chance to just not deal, and have a minute to myself.
Didn’t expect that did you? Did you expect me to go on about how sweet they are and how all the struggles (and snuggles) are worth it? Yeah, sure.. but I wanted to watch my show, and you know what, I deserved it.
We all deserve a break sometimes. Especially when we are losing our minds while trying to do it all. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to be with our kids every second. There is no shame in wanting alone time. There is no reason to make ourselves feel bad because sometimes we don’t do everything the way everyone expects us to. We all make mistakes and do our best with all that life gives us each day. As a mom, taking a break and caring for ourselves can make or break a family. We do what we gotta do and can’t feel bad for it (even if that means our house is a disaster zone). We are allowed to step back and take care of ourselves, so we can care better for the ones who need us the most.
And in case you’re wondering if I did watch that show…no. I fell asleep a few minutes after I turned it on.