Tomorrow is Mother’s Day. For many, it’s a day full of joy and laughter, but for some, including me, it’s a day of sadness and longing for someone who’s no longer there. As a mother, it’s like being torn in two directions. I am so blessed to have 3 children who I love with everything I am, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that my mother died. A constant reminder that I should celebrate the day, but it is also incredibly devastating.
Today when I was scrolling through Facebook I came upon a post from someone who suddenly lost their father. I felt so deeply sad for them, I knew their pain…I know their pain. My heart sank and I felt like I was going to pass out. Tears ran down my face. I was Triggered.
It has been a year and a half since I suddenly lost my mom, and some days it feels like it was so long ago. But days like today, it feels like it was just yesterday and I am stopped in my tracks with grief. It’s amazing that somehow our minds allow us to continue with our lives even when a major part of it gets taken away. One life seems to stop, and another one begins. A new life without them.
It was the day of my grandfathers funeral, my period was late and a piece of me knew I had to take a pregnancy test. I was terrified. We already had 2 kids and to be honest, they weren’t easy. Everything in my world was struggling and the last thing we needed was a new baby. But, the test was positive.